A Funny Thing on the Way to the Reef

CAIRNS, QUEENSLAND -- Against all odds, we saw everything we wanted to see in Sydney in three days and before our three-hour flight north to Cairns.

The thing about Cairns is that even though there is the letter "r" in the city's name, you wouldn't know it. Rachel (whose Aussie friends shorten her name to Rach) corrected me constantly when I would mispronounce Cairns. I asked a native speaker about this apparent silent "r" when following an "i" pronunciation rule of Aussie English, but his response was too cruel for this family-friendly blog. Eventually I decided the only way to correctly say Cairns was to say it exactly how I would say my maiden name in the plural form, Kanns.

With this in mind, we arrived in Cairns without any problems. We took a cab to the hotel, which was calm for Rach and I. Colleen, not so much. This was her first time riding in a vehicle driving on the left side of the road. Whoa. She asked me about my left-side driving abilities. It's easy, I told her. Just repeat "stay left" when you turn at intersections and you will be fine, I reassured her.

The next day we went to see what everyone in Cairns wants to see: The Great Barrier Reef. As everyone learned in elementary school, the reef is one of the seven natural wonders of the world. (Here is fun trivia question: Name the remaining six natural wonders. The reef is the second one that I've seen in person.)

People, just like us, come to Cairns so they can board a ship and get dumped in the ocean with only their snorkel mask and fins to protect them from the reef. Thankfully the reef can be seen from outer space, so it's large enough to accommodate the tremendous amount of guests.

We spent the day at Green Island, one of the closest resort island to the mainland. There we had a stress-free day of snorkeling at our own pace and ate at an "all-you-can-eat" on "one-plate" buffet. Colleen and I visited an Australian crocodile farm where we watched them feed those massive animals that are typically found in the shallow waters near Cairns coast.

At one point, a woman from Bombay, India, asked if we would take our photo with her. Rach and Colleen thought this was strange. But since this type of thing happens frequently in Japan, I smiled and nodded. Of course, no worries. We had her husband snap a second photo on our camera.



After the photo shot, the couple asked if we were from Australia.

"Nah, the States," we proudly stated.

I read the disappointment on their faces. They raised the courage to ask three attractive Australian girls for a snapshot, only to be fooled by similar looking Americans. What would they tell their friends in Bombay? They traveled all the way to Cairns (pronounced like Kanns) to pose with Americans. The disgrace. I'm sure the husband was deleting our photo when he said "America, that's where Bush is."

Yup, President George W. Bush. Thanks to his foreign diplomacy, his name is the first thing that foreigners associate with the USA. (Trivia question No. 2: Who is the prime minister of Australia?)

They proceeded to ask us about the Democratic primary election. "Who will be the next president, Hillary or Obama?"

We didn't take the time to explain to them that there is a third candidate running for Bush's job. We had to leave. I was getting anxious to hold a five-year-old crocodile named Snappy.

In short, the reef did not disappoint. It deserves its "great" title and I loved it. I could have snorkeled there for days. I saw more fish in 20 minutes in the reef than I saw during my whole vacation in Hawaii last October.

The weather was perfect. Sunny and warm. I remembered to apply and reapply sunscreen, so I didn't end up with any unforgiving red spots on my pale skin. And I didn't even wear this full body blue suit that the British tourists were sporting. It's hard to describe this suit, so picture this: It was like a wet suit, but it didn't keep you warm, just protected you from the sun's rays. It covered your head, the back of your neck, arms, legs and the tops of your feet.

I overheard one British woman say to her friend that she looked like a Telletubby.

My one regret at the reef: I didn't get a picture of me and those Tellatubbies tourists.